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A nervous system issue.

People wondered why I carried around tupperware of pasta with pesto everywhere I went with my son. School friends’ parties, on the plane, days out.

Friends who went to the effort of making fresh pesto and fusilli didn’t understand how he rejected it, wouldn’t touch anything sweet and screamed when approached with any other food. Because if it wasn’t the store made brand, even if he was hungry – he couldn’t eat. He could and did starve himself. At school mealtimes he sat with his back to the table whilst the other children ate.

Some thought it was bad parenting, even therapists, and I felt judged. I’d find the freshest, best ingredients, cook and present meals with love and he rejected them every single time. He’d see me coming with a plate or bowl and start screaming. Mealtimes became extremely stressful. Going out anywhere was a huge challenge.

If your child has ARFID you will recognise this. Carting packets of “safe foods” abroad in case they aren’t available because you don’t want your child to starve. It’s not simply “picky eating” or the food not being tasty.

Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder. Introduced in 2013 – so a fairly new diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, is extremely distressing for families and patients. Mealtimes for parents cooking and having to cater to everyone, ensuring your child gets enough nutrition, planning holidays – in fact something that is meant to be social and pleasurable – eating, becomes something to dread.

From neurodevelopmental differences to a choking incident, sensory issues and vomiting bugs. The causes can be manifold. The latter – sensory issues and vomiting bugs left my son with very few safe foods. And the safe foods, predominantly carbohydrates such as pasta and breadsticks, provided predictability and safety but little nutritional diversity. Whilst they kept him fed, they did little to support healthy blood sugar regulation, microbiome diversity or the gut-brain axis. (Cryan et al 2019). These factors, alongside sensory sensitivities and learned safety patterns, can all influence nervous system regulation.

What looks from the outside like stubbornness, lack of willpower or “fussiness” is often a complex interaction between the nervous system, sensory processing, learned safety patterns, the gut and the brain.

Once I started to view what was happening through a nervous system lens I found a way to help him. For his age at the time, there was no reasoning, or explaining. He was non verbal, I didn’t know if he could hear properly and he had a whole host of other challenges.

The objective was to create a greater sense of safety in his body. And I did this through craniosacral therapy.

Craniosacral therapy is a gentle hands-on therapy that works with the nervous system and the body’s natural capacity to regulate itself. Rather than focusing on the food it aims to help the body to regulate so it’s not stuck in hypervigilance.

As my son’s nervous system became more regulated, I began to notice subtle changes. He became calmer around food. Less reactive. More willing to tolerate unfamiliar foods on the table. More curious. There was no magic wand moment where he suddenly ate everything in sight. It was a gradual process of his world becoming bigger.

In addition to this, as all his other symptoms improved and he could hear and understand I started to introduce incentives, for even licking a new food. Then a small bite of a new food. Then a portion of that food. Progress was measured in millimeters not miles.

From a craniosacral perspective, we are not forcing change. We are supporting the body to move from protection into safety. When a child no longer feels under threat, their capacity for exploration naturally increases. The same nervous system that once screamed “danger” at the sight of a new food can begin to ask, “Maybe this is safe.”

Today, I sometimes forget that the little boy who once survived on a handful of safe foods is now a joy to eat out with. Watching him enjoy different flavours, textures and cuisines is something I once wondered if I would ever experience.

Ultimately, when I stopped focusing on the symptoms and started supporting the nervous system underneath them, everything began to change. So if you have a young child with ARFID, there is hope.

_{Reference: Cryan JF, O’Riordan KJ, Cowan CSM, Sandhu KV, Bastiaanssen TFS, Boehme M, Codagnone MG, Cussotto S, Fulling C, Golubeva AV, Guzzetta KE, Jaggar M, Long-Smith CM, Lyte JM, Martin JA, Molinero-Perez A, Moloney G, Morelli E, Morillas E, O’Connor R, Cruz-Pereira JS, Peterson VL, Rea K, Ritz NL, Sherwin E, Spichak S, Teichman EM, van de Wouw M, Ventura-Silva AP, Wallace-Fitzsimons SE, Hyland N, Clarke G, Dinan TG. The Microbiota-Gut-Brain Axis. Physiol Rev. 2019 Oct 1;99(4):1877-2013. doi: 10.1152/physrev.00018.2018. PMID: 31460832.}

A sense of presence.

It was a warm day, the windows were open with a gentle breeze. I was treating a child who had lost their pet. Contact was at the heart centre. My arms were bare. Eyes closed. And then I felt it – a cat’s paw pressing onto my arm. I opened my eyes and looked down. Of course there was no visible cat there.

This is what psychiatry refers to when individuals feel their deceased loved one nearby. Experiencing some form of contact – be it a voice, a touch or a scent – is a common experience amongst the bereaved (Kamp et al. 2020). And it can bring great comfort to a grieving family.

During sessions, I have experienced both humans and pets enter the space, or biofield – the luminous field of energy that extends beyond the physical body (Jain 2015). Sometimes their relatives will feel it, at other times they do not. Given my propensity for focusing on the tangible, science – led, peer reviewed explanations for what happens during a treatment, even when it is sparse, I am reluctant to put myself in the category of psychics or mediums. But the fact is that when you do this work, phenomena that cannot currently be explained by “science” can and do occur. At times, I have sensed deceased relatives urging me to pass a message to the person lying before me on the treatment couch. Felt a presence by my shoulder as I work.

Sometimes it is not just the deceased, but those who have yet to come into being. I have worked on women who wish to get pregnant, and known that it will happen soon and what the sex of the baby is. As someone who believes that our children choose their parents, it has been a wonderful experience.

Between 25–60% of bereaved people report sensing, feeling, hearing, dreaming of, or otherwise experiencing contact with someone who has died. Amongst those who have these experiences, around 86% describe them as comforting (Sweeney et al 2026).

For many years now I have welcomed into the space, those who have passed who wish to support their child / brother / sister / mother / father. Sensing their presence as a source of support during treatment.

Whilst not making any claims – death is a part of life and something we can all be certain about experiencing one day. To work alongside that presence, with reverence, can be a profound source of solace for the patient.

References:

_{Kamp, K. S., Steffen, E. M., Alderson-Day, B., Allen, P., Austad, A., Hayes, J., Larøi, F., Ratcliffe, M., & Sabucedo, P. (2020). Sensory and Quasi-Sensory Experiences of the Deceased in Bereavement: An Interdisciplinary and Integrative Review. Schizophrenia Bulletin, 46(6), 1367–1381. https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbaa113}

_{Jain S, Hammerschlag R, Mills P, Cohen L, Krieger R, Vieten C, Lutgendorf S. Clinical Studies of Biofield Therapies: Summary, Methodological Challenges, and Recommendations. Glob Adv Health Med. 2015 Nov;4(Suppl):58-66. doi: 10.7453/gahmj.2015.034.suppl. Epub 2015 Nov 1. PMID: 26665043; PMCID: PMC4654788.}

_{Sweeney, S., Ryan, P., Leahy, D., & Deering, H. (2026). The impact of after-death communications on grief and meaning-making among the bereaved: A qualitative systematic review. Death Studies. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2026.2626550}

We all have it….

It’s our nervous system. Pro athletes know it, successful entrepreneurs know it and now I’m ensuring that the future generations know it and learn how to harness it for success.

Last week, I was privileged to speak to A level students at one of the country’s leading girls schools. Bright, ambitious and naturally carrying the weight of an important year ahead & a big transition into adulthood.

I told them something it’s likely no one had ever told them before:
“Your nervous system is your superpower.”

We spoke about the biology behind calm and nervous system states and why emotional regulation is the ultimate performance enhancer.

Not everyone teaches this yet. But they will.

Because once you understand your nervous system & you start learning to harness its power you become UNSTOPPABLE.

And that’s what true power looks like. Mastery and regulation of the self.

By the end, after the exercises, the atmosphere had shifted.
You could feel the room exhale with all those ventral vagus nerves stimulated.

If we want a generation of emotionally intelligent leaders – in schools, in business, in government – this is where we start. Because real education begins when we teach young people how to regulate, not just how to achieve.

Group session New Years Eve 31st December 2024

500+ REGISTRANTS.

SOLD OUT.

The Vagus (wandering nerve) plays a critical role in our mental and physical health. From regulating digestion, heart rate, respiration. Facial expressions, eye contact. Connecting to vital organs, from the brain, heart, lungs, liver, stomach, calming our organs after a stress response.

Trauma and chronic stress can cause its activity to become reduced or suppressed leading to a multitude of health issues from inflammation in the gut, to depression.

Craniosacral therapy directly addresses the vagus nerve, to help shift the body out of its stress state and into a calmer one.

At home you can help to improve your vagus nerve function through:

• Daily movement, yoga and exercise
• Cold showers
• Humming or singing

** Please note this is not a substitute for medical advice so do ensure you have discussed your symptoms with your doctor before embarking on any form of exercise or change of regimen.**

He wanted what I thought was impossible – but it worked.

“I am in agony… I tore my rotator cuff…I need to see you urgently.”
This was how many of my client relationships began.

I booked him in. No problem, I thought, I can help reduce the inflammation, ease the pain. 🤕

But then I saw him.

For ease let’s call him The Cuban. (He actually was.)

The Cuban had been shot. (Not that day fortunately for me.) He had banged up his knee badly and it was permanently swollen, there were metal plates in his spine, he had trouble walking and was on a waiting list for a very serious and urgent surgery that had been postponed due to covid, couldn’t sleep…and the list went on. The rotator cuff tear was the cherry on the cake. He was frustrated he was no longer able to live his best life. And this towering 6ft 2” debonair gentleman in his 60’s was in excruciating pain.

“I think you need a surgeon, doctors, physio, hydrotherapy, a team.” I tried to talk him out of seeing me.

Three times.

He had been down that route. The Cuban had the finances and access to some of the best doctors in the country. Many private surgeries and disappointments later he had by some alchemy found me.

The Cuban looked at me sternly with one finger pointed and authoritatively declared:

“No! I know YOU can help me! I’m in your hands.”

Ok….

Checking off code of ethics, crossing t’s and dotting i’s and yes – saying a Hail Mary, I agreed to work with him.

In the coming weeks and months, as I tuned into his system his body began to tell me its story. The Cuban was a charismatic jovial man. A wealthy entrepreneur who used to hang with the rat pack, A listers, the champagne, the fights, every experience was etched in his system as it began to unfold, release, and resolve.

He turned up to every session. On time. 🕙 He gave me the privilege of complete trust. When things weren’t working we tried something else.

Faced with such unwavering belief in my abilities I began to up my game. He had commit to the process. So I commit to the process. Not just in clinic but outside it. Anything I couldn’t do that was required – I learned.

It wasn’t always pretty, healing never is. Mentally and physically he hit roadblocks, new injuries due to life, emotional setbacks, I hit roadblocks, but we stayed the course and he continued to improve. Looking back it seems dramatic. But the weekly changes were incremental. He managed to avoid certain surgeries altogether!

Like Tom Hank’s remaining FedEx parcel in Castaway, we said we’d go for dinner to celebrate when he had achieved his big goal. A year since he started his journey with me the day has come!

When you commit to a process, and invest in your health, there’s no limit to what can be achieved.

Anything is possible.

I feel adrift…and I can’t find an anchor

We feel the physical effects of gravity. When we get out of bed, we know our feet will be pulled down to touch the floor.

Similarly, we are energetically anchored by our parents.  We grow in the earth of our mother’s womb from a blueprint infused with all the experiences, thoughts, feelings, traumas, and joys supplied by seeds from both of our parents. Containing the thoughts, feelings, memories of their parents before them. And their parents before them, stretching back generations since man began.

That is the earth we grow from.

A tree that grows tall from the ground, retains its roots to survive, so physical distance from our parent(s) and time do not prevent us from feeling their departure when they pass.

Like an invisible fabric covering the family, when there is a tug at one end, it will always be felt at the other.

Whatever our age, life stage, whether they were loving and close, or had a more complex relationship with us, or none at all, when we lose a parent, it is felt deeply in every cell of our body. We can feel like we are losing essence, or a part of us is leaving. We may wish to leave with them. The everyday can feel meaningless. The world is different.

We search for our anchor, but it cannot be found.

It is a rite of passage. Losing a parent’s material presence on earth can be extraordinarily painful and indescribable. We can look for them in crowds, that familiar face knowing it can’t be them, we still search.

Doing a seemingly mundane task, emotion can rise and surge like a wave then subside. Without control.

But in time, remembering that our parents exist in our physical and energetic selves, we can find the anchor we are looking for within us.

How craniosacral therapy can help if you are grieving the loss of a loved one.

Grief is personal although there may be shared characteristics with others who grieve. There is no one way to grieve or a time limit. But the trauma of a loss of a loved one may cause you to feel disconnected from the outside world. There may be held grief or an inability to cope.

Held grief needs to be expressed. Craniosacral therapy can help you to feel more embodied and provide a space for your system to express itself in the way it needs to. Through facilitating a deep sense of relaxation and stillness the body can begin to talk.

Giving ourselves permission to feel what we feel and appreciating our own mortality and that time on earth is finite, we can start to find joy again.